Sharing?

It's the age old battle fought by all siblings. A true test of will.

The challenge in our home;

In one corner: Joel

He's had our house all to himself for 5 years. Even when sharing with mom and dad, he'd give the oldest, most worn down truck , car, ball, etc assured you it was "the best one". His sharing involved choosing which toy and letting you 'borrow' it 'just for a little bit'.

In the other corner: Blen

The nurse spoke with us at the orphanage about her daily routine, sleep schedule, likes, dislikes, etc. Her #1 problem: sharing. The nurse informed us she's been known to bite and hit.

Awesome.

Our referring style:

Evolved from: NO, Joel...NO, Blen...She's only 1 1/2....that's naughty....

response: 'She's hitting me'... 'I guess I'll NEVER be able to play with insert any toy here again'(picture it said with more sorrow than Eeyore).

To: Put everything in your room you don't want her to play with......

response: Joel wants even the vaccum in his room b/c he "never knew how much fun it could be before" ie-Blen had touched it.

Our current style: Work it out.

Good times.

Blen Alexis

We've decided Blen's middle name will be Alexis after Wendy's dad, Alex. Here's more...

Fun facts about Blen;
Favorite 'diss': remains a shoulder shrug (translation: no thanks, I'm not interested-in you)
Favorite toy: whatever her brother is playing with at the time
Favorite food: scrambled eggs, pasta, rice....anything but fruits & veggies








Favorite drink: water. not milk. or juice. or even kool-aid(not that we've tried it)



Favorite place: anywhere outside, regardless of the weather










Spoken words(English): "Jo" for Joel, "Mama" for Wendy & John, "wa-wa" for water, and her all time favorite "No" for EVERYTHING
Favorite book: "Moo, Baa, La La La", by S.Boynton
Favorite form of communication: point & grunt
Favorite new 'comforter': daddy
Favorite accessory: dirt
Favorite hair accessory: food and headbands worn backwords & over her eyes.
Favorite dance move: bending arm to twist and wave to the beat (she loves Bob Marley)

She likes to watch our cats do anything but whines when they're close to her. She points and barks at dogs, but is no fan of petting them.

Her hair is beautiful, it's grown longer and into little curls.
Her smile brightens the room and makes her eyes sparkle.
She makes smacking sounds with her lips when she wants a kiss, or to give one.

Many people have told us she looks like Joel. Seriously.

Blessing

What a difference 8 weeks makes. Blen now willingly goes from mom's arms to dads. She sleeps through most nights. She loves to play outside. She loves her brother and calls him "Jo". She's learned the word "No" and says it often. We think she learned it from Joel constantly telling her not to touch his toys, that seems to happen alot. Sharing has not been easy and may never. Joel is learning if he has a toy she wants, it's not appropriate to stand there and say no with the toy within her grasp. Or to lead her upstairs then proceed to his bedroom, shut the door and enjoy his personal toy haven where all things truck go for shelter.

Our dear friend, Sarah VanderHart, hosted a shower for close friends & family. Blen received some 'awesome' sandbox toys. Joel wanted to "HAVE" the dump truck & police car 'molds'. I explained it was a present to Blen, but they will be SHARED with him. He wasn't a fan of this news. He cried, then said he doesn't want toys ANYMORE...until Christmas. I then pulled out the gift two friends bought for him so he "wouldn't feel left out". I asked if he wanted me to save it until Christmas. "I guess I can open it now", he replied.

The new & improved Brookhouse family remains a work in progress. But what a blessing it has become. We couldn't have done it without all the love, support, and prayers from so many.

Happy Days!

I'm so happy to write this post...we traveled this week to my (Wendy's) parents house, neither of whom had met Blen yet. we were worried about taking her away from her 'newly familiar world' and driving her two hours across the state of Michigan. She fell asleep for over one hour of the car ride and looked at the scenery for the rest! She warmed up to my parents quickly, ran laps with Joel in the house, and slept 8 hours that night. We were overjoyed my sister, Krista, & 4yr old, Lauren, stopped by for a few hours and were able to meet her as well. I asked my mom if Blen was everything she thought she'd be, mom replied, "I had no idea she'd be such a doll already, she'd adorable!". There's the verdict. She was a trooper for the trip and really left an impression. I told my parents months prior we wouldn't be traveling for awhile b/c it's recommended she remain in a normal routine to adjust to her new world. My dad aptly responded, "visiting us once a week is your normal routine". I certainly hope it continues to be so!

Welcome

A welcome home? Our little girl is doing fairly well adjusting to her new life(foreign world). We've been told to subtract 6 months (emotionally) for every year she has not lived with us. I(Wendy) think I need to do the same with my expectations. As John stated previously, the flight, and the first few days after we brought Blen into our life, were emotionally and physically challenging. My heart ached for the pain, loss, separation she was feeling, my left arm (only side she wanted) and body (she would only stop crying when I was standing with her head above my shoulder) all ached from the constant desire she had to be held.

I don't know exactly what I was expecting. All we read prior to bringing her into the family stated it would be hard for her to 'attach' & 'bond'. This, unfortunately was true for the relationship between John & Blen, but, physically at least, it wasn't for Blen to have for me. With each increasing moment her little arms insisted I 'assume the pose', I became more exasperated & exhausted. As the frequency and urgency continued, I wondered if it would ever end.

Then, perspective kicked in, she truly should be miserable. And want someone to make her feel like she's not all alone away from all she's every known, and ultimately, needed. Many have said, "it's so wonderful you're giving her an amazing new life & opportunity". I had to stop and realize, who is it amazing for? While many see it as a future filled with opportunity and hope for Blen, she currently may see it as a punishment of sorts. A banishment from all she's ever known and experienced.

So, I remind myself, with every outstreched hand of this little 'infant', I am here to comfort her, not get frustrated if I'm not constantly comfortable. I need to continue to rejoice with each smile, dance, giggle, she gives us because they happen more frequently and demonstrate a healing and bond that can only make us all flourish as a family. I rejoice with each minute she now spends with John, minutes when I can even leave the room and not hear her cries for me. She is adapting to our family. We are all adapting to her.

She is a beautiful strong little girl. I am now her mother. And that is something that will never end.

We've had some amazing victories. We've had some frustrations. But who hasn't with a toddler/infant? It has been one week for us together. I've only known this precious little girl for one week. Amazing. And humbling. I can only hope, I truly am providing, a welcome home.

Sunday Afternoon:
Well that's over. I have worried, fretted, layed awake nights, gnashed my teeth over the last 2 years thinking about the flight home with a toddler who doesn't speak my language and has been in an orphanage much of her life. After the flight, I realized i didn't take it seriously enough. If I had known how it actually would go, would I have still gone ahead and done it? Fair question. She slept most of the threee hours waiting to board the plane, then woke up as we boarded. We thankfully got seats in the middle of the plane but with no seats in front of us, just a psuedo-aisle and video screen on the wall. Blen wasn't too excited to be on the plane and wanted wendy to be walking around with her which she of course could't do during taxi and takeoff. The only person in our row asked to be moved almost immediatley and thankfully was soon after takeoff. The flight from Addis to Amsterdam takes about 8 and a half hours and Blen slept off and on for most of the flight. Wendy and I on the other hand didn't. Wendy couldn't get comfortable enough to fall asleep while holding Blen and I tried to help make her comfortable as much as possible and actually held Blen a couple times while she was asleep. It was a long night watching other people sleep, but not too bad as far as Blen was concerned. Oh, but her ears hurt real bad on the descent, but usually people understand that and have sympathy for the kid in those instances.
We got off the plane in Amsterdam at 7 AM and went directly into the security clearance for our flight to Detroit. Once through, we had a little, oh about 45 minute, til we boarded again. This time it really went poorly. Blen was very irritable at this point, we loaded and she immediately started to cry/moan/squirm/writhe/scream/bawl etc etc as we waited for the plane to finish loading and then of course we waited for the plane to be de-iced. This took probbly another half hour with the engines off and the plane dead quiet except for Blen and her carrying on. It was agony. For everyone. Finally we took off and Wendy was able to calm her down enough to fall asleep. For 30 minutes. then it started all over again. The first 4 or 5 hours were a true test. One of the guys on the trip, Joe, often would say "This wouldn't be happening if God didn't think you could handle it". I thought of that quote often and prayed it was true. It's amazing how slow 700 mph is with a crying toddler. Somehow (only by the grace of God) we made it to Detroit and our 8 hours of torture were over.
Or was it. We then went to customs and waited in one line, then had to wait in another line for close to an hour. We then got our luggage and waited in another line to get that rechecked, then yet another line to have our carry-ons rescreened (for the third time of the day) and finally on to the final flight, a quick zip to GR. And Blen played and giggled the whole flight (all 30 minutes of it).
It was great to see all the support of those who made it to the airport to greet us. What a homecoming. 24 hours after we left Addis airport, we were in GR and finally driving home. Blen fell asleep on the ride home and went straight to bed.

Flying Home

Saturday Night:
First of all, thank you all for the prayers for us last night. By the time I got back to the room, Blen was asleep (about 6:30) and she slept, pretty much uninterrupted until about 7AM. God is good. It's amazing how much better a child is with 12 hours of sleep. She ran around the room giggling and babbling and playing much of the day, but she still doesn't quite know what to make of me (hold your comments please). Wendy continues to be her source of sole source of comfort, but she is starting to warm to me. We feel much progress has been made today. We went to Salstala today as a special side trip with Alemu. I think he felt sorry for us since everyone else left and we aren't really supposed to go out with Blen in Ethiopia. The government has decided recently that they don't like to see white families with Ethiopian adopted children in public so once we got Blen, we've been pretty locked up. Alemu says that it is just a government thing and there is no ill-will toward westerners by the general public. Anyway he took us to a town about 20 km from town and we had a great lunch of roast goat and some sort of yellow bean dish all with injera. The food is incredible-I will miss, but wendy was fantasizing about T-Bell the last several days.So we were gone for a couple hours, which means we were in the room waiting seemingly all day to checkout at 8 PM for our 2350 flight home. It's never fun sitting in a hotel room all day. We just want to be home and see our boy (and of course everyone else). Thanks again for all the prayers and say a few more as we are about to fly. Please pray for safety and sanity. We'll see you soon.John Wendy and Blen

Please Help

Wendy and I would like to thank everyone for their prayers and support over this whole two year process. It's been a long journey with many different emotions and of course lots of waiting. Now that we are at this point in the journey, we are calling on all of you to say a special prayer for us tonight and for the flight. We knew it was going to be difficult to bond with a toddler from an orphanage who didn't speak our language, but the last couple of days have been harder on us than we could have imagined. Blen didn't sleep much last night and neither did we. She has short periods of good cheer but mostly she is cranky or crying. She is only consoled by Wendy so she is worn down and I try to help as best I can but I feel pretty helpless and worthless.

Please pray for peace and trust in Blen's heart and sleep for our little girl. Please pray for wisdom and strength and compassion for Wendy and I as we really need it. We know with your support and God's help things will get better and we will have a wonderful little girl.

Today our agenda was pretty tame compared to every day prior. We hung out at the hotel in the morning and had a traditional lunch and coffee ceremony at Alemu's house. The food was great as usual and coffee ceremony (they roast the beans over coals, smash and grind them in a small jar/pot, boil water over the coals and then serve them in little cups with popcorn, kolo-roasted barley seads, and doba - a huge loaf of delicious bread). The whole ceremony takes about an hour and a half. We then went back to the hotel and all of the other adoptive families left for the airport. We leave tomorrow night at about midnight local time.

Thanks for all the prayers and thoughts. See you soon.

John & Wendy

Blen Brookhouse

Thursday started at about 6:30, twelve hours after we put Blen to sleep, she woke up. She made lots of noise overnight and seemed to be humming simple tunes in her sleep, but she never woke up. It was nice to hear her make noise because, other than crying, she didn't make a sound the day before. Oh yeah, since arriving we've always referred to her as Blen because all the documents have that as the name and then we met the mom and then we met her and slowly we've both decided that her name is Blen and we should keep it Blen. She looks like a Blen - not Addison.

So, back to today. Blen woke up a little happier than yesterday, but she is not a fan of her new dad. I was not able to touch her or get too close without crying. She is stuck to Wendy at all times and once I tried to take her to give Wendy a break while Blen was already crying pretty hard, she just went completely ballistic and I gave her right back. We just pretty much hung out in the room this morning. I went to the store for a couple of things and when I came back Wendy said she smiled and giggled and laughed but once I got back, back to her somber self. She does look at me and make eye contact but sometimes she deliberately blinks at me and she also shrugs her shoulders at me (both of which she doesn't do to mom). We think she means something by it but we don't know for sure.

We went to the US Embassy for our appointment and it turned out to be more like a trip to the secretary of state than anything else and one more thing I was worried about was over.

We came back and had some more bonding time, at least for Wendy. I went to get supper and after an hour and a half for our takeout order to be filled (actually pretty standard time for our orders) I got back and it seemed like a different Blen. She giggled a little and let me touch her on the foot a couple of times. Maybe there is hope for me. Wendy's putting her down now and I'm about wore out. Good night.

Wednesday - Blen!

Wednesday. D-Day. It's finally here and everyone is freaking. We can't go to the orphange (Enat Alem) until 2:30 so we went to St. George's church and museum and the Holy Trinity church and museum. Ethiopia is a predominately Christian country with their own orthodox church. A lot of it is like Roman Catholicism with some variations. Ethiopians believe that the queen of Sheba visited Jerusalem and got pregnant with Solomon's child, a boy, and he became king of Ethiopia. Anyways, we saw the first church and museum, but before we could go to the second one, a bunch of people wanted to go back to the hotel and "get ready" (??). Joe & I went to the second church & museum (which was probably the best of all the tours of museums).

We got back and milled about for a couple of hours then went to Enat Alem. Everyone was so nervous. Lots of comments about how we could maybe just go to the airport instead or at least take the long way to the orphange. Two years of preparation and waiting and waiting and waiting and wondering if it was going to happen and now here we are at the gate of the orphanage!

We went in and they said "Do you want to meet your kids?" We went into a cramped room third after two other couples - once again chaos, kids crying and people all over and then we saw the nurse holding Blen. This time we both had tears rolling down our cheeks and she was - on cue (like every picture we saw of her) crying. I had to run back and get a toy so Wendy could lure her into her arms, and then Blen was fine. We kept crying. We took her back into the courtyard and Wendy walked around with her while I kept snapping photos of them and all the other families who we've grown so close to. It's strange being overcome with joy for people you met less than a week prior.

Blen had such sad eyes. Too sad for a girl her age, she looks like she has seen so much sorrow in her 19 months. She let Wendy hold her, but she didn't really hold back, just kind of hung there semi-limp, watching everything around her. We had a small coffe ceremony (yes I drank it and kind of liked it), took more pictures and then I was able to hold her for a little while (she didn't allow this earlier). What an amazing thing to hold her. All that it took to get there and there she is in my arms... She soon tired of me and went back to mommy.

We talked with the nannys and got info about her from the last couple of weeks and we asked about the necklace we saw on Blen. They said her mother gave it to her and she would not allow anyone to take it off. Again the floodgates of tears opened, that she would have something that her birthmom gave her. We eventually thanked the nannys and the director - many of whom were also crying saying goodbye to their kids and we were gone. It is amazing to see the love and care the workers at these orphanages have for the kids. It's a great comfort knowing they are so well cared for, even if they don't have the resources.

So we load in the van with our kids on our laps (they don't have car seats in Ethiopia) and take to the chaotic streets of Addis. Safely home, we all go back to our rooms as new families.

Blen remains very withdrawn but stuck to mom's shoulder for the first several hours. No expression except what appears to be sadness. After a while, while Wendy is singing her a song, she starts to get tears in her eyes and soon is wailing, a gut wrenching mournful deeply sad wail. Inconsolable. This keeps us up for what seems like forever and eventually we get her calmed down and a little food in her belly and she's out for the night at 6:30. I guess it was a big day for her too. Seeing her sleeping there in her crib next to our bed, it was really surreal to have her there with us.

And of course, we are exhaustted and fall asleep soon after.